I've spent the last few months swamped with work, music, and all kinds of fun stuff. Learning quite abit about myself through all of this, Mainly thinking about music, and how deeply it affect the course of my life. it's silly how such a vague thing can make you take so many life changing decisions, but when you look at what kind of effect music had on our world, i'm not surprised how it can toss me around!
I look back, i started playing 5 or 6 years ago...About the same time when i moved out of a place i used to call home, to my new home. I had found my "hometown" at what.... 14 years old? completely uncalculated decision. i saw it as an available class at my new school, and figured, "why the hell not?"
Well. 6 years later, here i am, teaching 20 students a week, with chops many are jaelous of (even if i worked hard and deserve every BPM of them) and managing my own music store. What's next? I wonder. hehe. I like to let things roll and not worry about it. it tends to hinder me when i look forward to something. I remember last summer I looked forward to winter 'cause she'd visit again and look at how well this turned out. heh. nah, i'm good with walking around blindly but with a guiding dog, it's taken me to good places.
And now. I'm at another crossroad. Well, sorta. I've been what i like to classify myself as a musical technician of some sort. Always looking at the "how to do it, how to approach it, what chord/scale compatibility is the most relevant, what kind of phrasing and picking should i use".. you know, nerd stuff. And the more I grew as a musician, the more this area of the instrument got under my control. Not under a complete command, but control. Now, through that, i took a look at alot of different techniques and ways to develop my own voice, and it worked pretty well. and the more i dabble in these things, the more i feel like a musical identity is growing in me. and it's the opposite of being a technician, but you know, for the first time, I feel like i'm seeing progress. Not the usual "i can play faster than yesterday" progress, something on the mental level, like, knowing where i'm going. Reacting to sounds i hear. hearing a chord set a mood and playing the right note. This kind of thing. and when i play what i want, it moves me, and then i churn out even more "good notes" than before.
It's like the strings become my vocal chords and the amp is my throat. just becoming one with the instrument.
It's a sense of escapism i've longed for since.... last summer actually. I've been so down and dirty into the real world that sometimes i forget i tend to have artistic traits. And now, that i've been at my parents home for a week, it seemed like all my creative drive returned. Last time i was able to write a song in 2 days, and be happy and EXCITED with the result, was last year, before i took over management duties for my music store.
It's a fine job, it's in my market, and knowledge field, i can't ask for more. But sometimes, I can't help but think that it probably affects my more spiritual side. I wasn't so down to earth before, i wrote and wrote and drew and played and all those things. Now it seems like i'm stale. to be fair, it's the first time i feel like this, so I shouldn't be too alarmed. you know, blank page syndrome can hit at anytime so why not now in my 20's crisis? haha.
Well. that was an update of some sorts. i'll try to use this a bit more, i have a feeling i'll need to keep this part of my mind awake for awhile, at least it felt good.