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The Stringed Lumberjack

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Collection of thoughts. [01 Jul 2007|09:18pm]
I've spent the last few months swamped with work, music, and all kinds of fun stuff. Learning quite abit about myself through all of this, Mainly thinking about music, and how deeply it affect the course of my life. it's silly how such a vague thing can make you take so many life changing decisions, but when you look at what kind of effect music had on our world, i'm not surprised how it can toss me around!

I look back, i started playing 5 or 6 years ago...About the same time when i moved out of a place i used to call home, to my new home. I had found my "hometown" at what.... 14 years old? completely uncalculated decision. i saw it as an available class at my new school, and figured, "why the hell not?"

Well. 6 years later, here i am, teaching 20 students a week, with chops many are jaelous of (even if i worked hard and deserve every BPM of them) and managing my own music store. What's next? I wonder. hehe. I like to let things roll and not worry about it. it tends to hinder me when i look forward to something. I remember last summer I looked forward to winter 'cause she'd visit again and look at how well this turned out. heh. nah, i'm good with walking around blindly but with a guiding dog, it's taken me to good places.

And now. I'm at another crossroad. Well, sorta. I've been what i like to classify myself as a musical technician of some sort. Always looking at the "how to do it, how to approach it, what chord/scale compatibility is the most relevant, what kind of phrasing and picking should i use".. you know, nerd stuff. And the more I grew as a musician, the more this area of the instrument got under my control. Not under a complete command, but control. Now, through that, i took a look at alot of different techniques and ways to develop my own voice, and it worked pretty well. and the more i dabble in these things, the more i feel like a musical identity is growing in me. and it's the opposite of being a technician, but you know, for the first time, I feel like i'm seeing progress. Not the usual "i can play faster than yesterday" progress, something on the mental level, like, knowing where i'm going. Reacting to sounds i hear. hearing a chord set a mood and playing the right note. This kind of thing. and when i play what i want, it moves me, and then i churn out even more "good notes" than before.

It's like the strings become my vocal chords and the amp is my throat. just becoming one with the instrument.

It's a sense of escapism i've longed for since.... last summer actually. I've been so down and dirty into the real world that sometimes i forget i tend to have artistic traits. And now, that i've been at my parents home for a week, it seemed like all my creative drive returned. Last time i was able to write a song in 2 days, and be happy and EXCITED with the result, was last year, before i took over management duties for my music store.

It's a fine job, it's in my market, and knowledge field, i can't ask for more. But sometimes, I can't help but think that it probably affects my more spiritual side. I wasn't so down to earth before, i wrote and wrote and drew and played and all those things. Now it seems like i'm stale. to be fair, it's the first time i feel like this, so I shouldn't be too alarmed. you know, blank page syndrome can hit at anytime so why not now in my 20's crisis? haha.

Well. that was an update of some sorts. i'll try to use this a bit more, i have a feeling i'll need to keep this part of my mind awake for awhile, at least it felt good.
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[23 Dec 2006|04:15am]
it's amazing

I know where i'm going

but i don't know anything at all.

I love it

merry christmas everyone.
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[10 Dec 2006|12:42am]
It's been ages. I know. been busy as fuck. but here's something.

Tonight was amazing, actually, it started at 1 this afternoon, gave a tag-team two hour class for two kids wanting to start a band, one a drummer one a guitar player, coached them through their songs and it was fun. Then my drummer and new bass player came in at about 4 and we started going at it. best jam ever, i could feel everyone was relaxed and having fun. it was awesome.

As for me. the usual. life, music, store, survival. I'm still doing what i've always been doing. I haven't been able to talk much to Leah lately, in the past few months actually. it's not pleasant, but i'm just burying myself in work and music to keep sane. it helps, and it also helps forget, for a while, then i remember this summer and i have to work even more. it's strange like that. I know that whatever happens these feelings will -stay- there, but at the same time i know i'm not doing anyting easy in my life, both music and love related. but i'm a tough one, so i'll manage.

I had so many things to say, but now my receptive state of mind just shut itself down. But i feel today is important. for whatever reason. but i got stuff done. i'm proud of myself.
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Late. [22 Sep 2006|04:03pm]
Well. friday. another week done, this time it's not a 12 hour day (that's monday though, hah) so i'm not completely dead. got one class to give at 7. i'm tempted to drop by the mall to grab a snack and then go teach. kind of like a therapy you know? staying at the store, and home, at the store, home again, and so on, is a bit of a harsh routine.

I can't complain though, everything's going just fine and dandy. I just have to stay strong, keep my spirits up. and stop worrying about things not currently in my control. because i guess that's a problem i have, i want to fix everything, but some things i just can't.

Playing's been better than ever, it's comforting to see i'm able to practice enough to improve even with this workload i have. came up with some wierd licks yesterday while listening to some old 80's shred vinyls one of my students gave me. it's really inspiring.

Nothing else. keeping steady and stable, saving money, and still having enough left. I feel good i guess. I'm a bit apathetic though, but that'll probably pass. it's sunny outside, i should definitely go get that snack.

i'm really not good at keeping this journal thing. heh.
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Around. [10 Sep 2006|10:45pm]
So this week i just doubled my income. classes are back in  full spin, i'll have enough money to go on living for sometime, so everything in terms of music seems to be pretty stable and i'm confident in the future. everything's working out I guess. I should be happier than this actually. heh, I sometimes have this feeling that i'm -still- not doing enough. I should really take another long hard look at myself and see what's wrong with me. there's nothing on the surface, i've ironed out most of my kinks, the urges to party like a madman, to act before thinking. i'm more much responsible and collected, yet something feels missing. Of course, I miss my Leah dearly and this could be just why i'm feeling so strange lately, but there's something else i can't pinpoint.

Maybe i'm just afraid that if i get too good doing what i'm doing i won't be free to go wherever i want to.

But then i'm thinking, this is still my life. and as much as everything around me is now focused towards only one goal, which is just being togheter with my darling one day as soon as possible, i can't possibly think of another way to suceed. i'm gaining a good reputation as a musician and teacher and overall music tech advisor, and if i keep going like this i know something good will come out. i'm not taking the easy path, but it pays and gives me a shitload of experience. i've got around 20 hours of store work a week and 20 hours of teaching a week. all varies of course but i could survive with only the teaching, so the store work helps me round everything up and apparently my boss really appreciates the work i'm doing so this could be a good avenue to pursue too.

I guess i'm just writing now because i'm so lonely. I've done my share of practice today, i've cooked, cleaned stuff up, even recorded a silly like bluesy jam for the hell of trying out the classic I IV V blues form. I still wanna do something else.
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Recollecting. [31 Aug 2006|01:40am]
[ mood | Awesome ]

So. alot has happened this month. i haven't posted about the aftermath of Leah's coming to here, but if you can guess from the new userpic, everything went awesomely well. and we had a great time.

It's amazing how i've gotten myself into such a complicated situation on the surface... but it still seems so easy and natural. that's what boggles me actually. i don't care much for the boggling, but it's interesting, how two people who have never met before 2 weeks ago but have known each other through and through over the internet and letters and phone calls, feel so physically comfortable in just a few minutes... it's amazing, i can't say anything else. When she got off the bus i just remember exactly that shy look she gave me and then everything was a bit blurry because of the whole emotionnal surge coming through both of us, but damn... that first hug was awesome, even if i don't remember it fully, it'll stay in my mind for a long time.

And the actual week... well. Awesome, in every detail. granted i did alot of cooking, but i really didn't mind.. it felt nice to have a small glimpse into what it'd be like to actually have a normal life as a couple, and i definitely want to try this again. My roomate told me "life's easier when there's two of you" and now i really do understand what he meant. It just felt like this week was just pure bliss, everything went perfect. really perfect.

When we first cuddled on the bed just for the hell of it (no dirty thoughts allowed yet!) i just felt so, comfortable. I wasn't meeting someone from the internet that i didn't know. i wasn't cuddling with a stranger i had met from a bar the day before, it felt like i was with my soulmate. and i'm not afraid of using this word either! because that's how I feel now. when everything works out, every little detail.... I don't know how to even put that into words, so i'll just stop there.

but yes. everything is really awesome, and like i thought it would be. but even better!

I apologize for the corniness. but this is my life now. And nothing anyone says will weaken my resolve to make this work. and it's already working very well :D
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[12 Aug 2006|12:35am]

She gets here sunday. SUNDAY. THAT'S TOMMOROW.

Somebody pinch me dammit! i need to snap out of this, but i really can't!

might as well slap this look on my face now  :D
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[07 Aug 2006|08:42am]
So. next week from now, Leah's going to be there. right next to me. I can barely beleive it, nor can i even contain the excitement anymore. this is just surreal. I mean really, you have no idea how it feels when someone cares about you so much she makes the 16h hour trip just because she can and wants to! it's, i don't know, not something i'd expect. I'm not complaining at all. but I need to get this out so maybe i can get some sleep during the nights of these weeks! (probably not.. haha) and it's pretty safe to say that this event is probably one of the most important things to happen ever in my life, and the most beautiful thing too!

I'm actually starting to beleive it now, gets my heart beating so fast i feel like i'm losing breath sometimes, but i know it won't compare to the rush i'll get when i finally hold her, or when she gets off the bus! i don't even know how i'll react, it'll be a happy reaction, but what kind? i can't even predict that!

maybe finally getting this out will stop all my ranting and rambling to my friends about how great i feel lately and i'll quit being annoying. it seems like it's the only thing on my mind now! i actually have to count myself to sleep -_- it's irritating, but considering the reasons why, i don't care. Only thing left now is that she has to order the tickets, and she's somehow paranoid about bus tickets from NY to MTL being sold out in the second to last week of august, PLEASE! _-_ that's so silly. but I guess that's how she is, if she has nothing to worry about, something feels wrong. now I wonder if you'll find something to worry about once you're here ;)

okay, i,m done. off to work with an annoying smile on my face :D
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some showing off -_- [30 Jul 2006|03:16pm]

i was bored. i played guitar for fun this sunday. i got some prime cuts before i got sick of fighting with the camera.
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Journal of a roadie [16 Jul 2006|01:25pm]
Well. for those who didn't know, i sometimes help around my friends and co workers take in and take out PA systems in concerts,

not counting the amplifiers and wiring and stuff our kit is terribly small too, compared to some industry standards, like the kit i had to dismantle this saturday. last week was a big huge week long festival (the bands sucked, pop retro cover bands. the usual shit. there was this kickass blues band and all girl band, but asides from that, CRAP.) and well, this is why i dubbed last week crazy week. saturday was the take out, so basically we had a huge 24 000 watt sound system to dismantle, with alot of lighting. and i had fun actually. my shoulders are bit fucked from that night and i'm still catching up on some sleep, but it was neat. we started wrapping shit up at around 23:45 and by 2 or 2:30 am i think we were mostly done. then there was another gig to wrap up a few miles away, this one too had been running for the whole week.

this is when things start to get funny though. imagine a bunch of musician guys, working physically, rolling wires and hauling gear and huge lighting racks all around the place into trucks, into the late hours of the night. after a while we just stop thinking, and say a bunch of crazy stuff. we start talking like old men, make crazy sexual references when a rack won't fit in the truck, and so on. we're tired, but we're happy tired.

we were done wrapping the whole two concerts at 4 am. we then chilled out a little, went to get some breakfast (with a really sweet and cute waitress. it was a change from the drunk and pissy crowd we had to mow through when moving our stuff around to the trucks). and then, well, in the restaurant, we were a bit idiotic. people must've thought we were drunk, but we really were just too tired and loud and we were fucking DONE with work, so we could do whatever we wanted. haha. well, at least, say whatever we wanted. my roomate ordered pancakes and sausages.... he rolled the pancakes around them, with mustard and ketchup. he called it the morning dog.... -_-

by 7 i was sleeping. and being the crazy person i am, by noon i was awake and talking on the phone. i love this job.
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[13 Jul 2006|03:03pm]
oh how i love my little sicillian firecracker. haha. you just described yourself in 3 words. that's a feat.

i think i'm starting to lose my lumberjack title with all that corniness.
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[12 Jul 2006|12:46am]
why can't I sleep for hours after getting off the phone? must be because it's so hard to come back to reality i guess. sigh. (I caught this from you!) i'm not sad though. I'm happy even if you're just far. you're still in my life. that's all that matters.
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[10 Jul 2006|09:51pm]
first full day of crazy week seems to be working out nice. it's something to handle a music store all by yourself. but i can do it.

I miss you! at least I had a good reason to work hard today :D
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Music Game. stolen from Amy [09 Jul 2006|10:46am]
music quiz
1. Put your music player on shuffle.(MP3, iPod, LimeWire, ect...)
2. Press next track for each question.
3. Use the song titles to answer the questions, even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

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[08 Jul 2006|05:50pm]
Gotcha. not worrying anymore.

i got my work schedule for next week. i think i'll have over 30 hours. + teaching. I'm delighted. but i'll be so tired. who cares anyway. it's free money!
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[07 Jul 2006|07:02pm]
you're so awesome. You make me feel like a kid. i worry, but not as much. Things will be fine.

for those who are sick of my rambling about this. Fuck off! I'm happy, and i want to share it! :D
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More Music [07 Jul 2006|03:19pm]
With a solo. early mix again. turn it up loud so you can hear it all.
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[05 Jul 2006|02:00am]
another personal post. i guess. another 2 hours well spent. i'm going to be sleeping well now.

by the way, i have enough creativity lately to begin composing solidly once again. i have alot of ideas. enough for a good hour and a half of music. maybe a concept album too. i'll need to compose first, but i'm confident i can come up with something now.

and once again:

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July 4th [04 Jul 2006|09:04am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

well folks. happy july 4th. have plenty of fun and drinking (for some!). oh and try not to be packaged and cooked. you're not that short ;)

time to grab the morning coffee now.

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[03 Jul 2006|02:49am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]


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